I’ve been trying to develop a better sense of what or where my boundaries should be in regards to relationships with certain types of people. By “types,” I mean personalities. How do we navigate through different personality types to reach compromise and balance on a daily basis? Whether it is with a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, friend, co-workers, or family members, I would imagine we all get to the same points of uncertainty in how to deal with our often-erratic emotions. Confusion tends to be so massive sometimes that we don’t even realize we are in such a state. What can we use as the ultimate source of healing together, as one? Is that even possible? I do believe forgiveness is the single greatest tool we have in regards to healing, but with forgiveness must come a boundary, no? Questions like “Do I let this person back in?” or “Is it even possible for me to find an inkling of trust in this person again?” often come to mind. The Buddha once said, “To understand everything is to forgive everything.” I ponder this and wonder if he ever saw a cost in forgiveness. Do we find compassion, love and forgiveness for others even if they refuse to accept accountability for their actions or if they refuse to even attempt to acknowledge how their choices hurt others? Are we even aware that our actions might be causing pain as well? I suppose we must learn at times to forgive from an arms length, with the understanding that it is ok to forgive while also protecting your own heart. I don’t think that means you are cold, or lack compassion. Perhaps it means you are showing the ultimate compassion for your own self, and in doing so empower yourself to become a stronger, smarter and more loving human being for everyone around you. I want to believe that we are all worthy of each other’s forgiveness because we all carry the same gift and curse that is the human mind. It is brilliant yet ignorant, peaceful yet violent, simple, yet completely intricate and complex. Yes, we are exactly the same but totally different, and this is often where the paradox lies. What I have learned during my experience, both human and spiritual, is that forgiveness does not have to come with a price, it only has to come with value. How you choose to exemplify this forgiveness is up to you, and I believe this takes the pressure out of the equation. Simply forgive the best way you know how, and most importantly, forgive yourself daily, because you are imperfectly perfect, just as the Godly Universe intended. Take whatever amount of time you need to heal, be it a day or a lifetime, and don’t feel bad about it, because forgiveness can only be genuine and true when the time is right for you. Solidarity and Love my Brothers and Sisters.
Timothy “Mission” Almeida
“Desire True Freedom and Be The Real Change.”
Sometimes it would be easier to go back to old habits. Sometimes it would be easier to fuel the potential anger then to struggle to remain calm. The easy way is not always the right way, and the human way is not always the easy way. Take away the mind, the thought, the television, the noise, the language, the lies, the hurt, the gender, the belief, the hustle, the fake, the real, the traffic, the garbage, the politics, the man, the woman, the marriage, the boyfriend, the girlfriend, the labels, the music, the laptops, the “social” media, the economy and the devil we call money. Take it all away and end up staring at yourself in a different body. Take away the idea of taking shit personal, and live the idea of true compassion. How often are we self-sabotaging? How often are we running? How often are we peering through those cold steel bars of FEAR that deny us any sense of true freedom. The freedom that we were all conditioned to never truly see, touch, taste, smell or feel. We keep trying to reach an impossible goal of bliss through things that have no spiritual value. Money cannot bring it. People, animals, toys, cars, drugs, exercise, and happy thoughts cannot bring it. No other person, deity or symbol can bring it. Happiness is only found in you. Let go of everything you have ever thought you have known. For one day, one hour, one minute, imagine your circuit board has been erased and everything is being downloaded for the first time. Would you still BELIEVE your mind. Would you still lay prisoner to your own thoughts as they stroll the penitentiary halls of your mental correctional facility. Would you still be YOU and carry your false sense of self. We are alone, and alone is the only way to obtain peace, because nobody else is responsible enough to give that to you, just as you aren’t responsible enough to give it to them. Take it all away and what do you find?
“Desire true freedom and be the real change.”
Shadows on the wall reflect the eternal space that is reality, yet even they cannot truly be held in our hand. So we shouldn’t be afraid of what isn’t there.
I held two broken doves, broken hearted with broken wings.
I imagined they used to sing songs of love, only now their choir cries.
I tried to rescue them, first with words of strength, but found I couldn’t draw a breath to match my words of length.
Second I tried to heal their wounds by holding them tight to my chest, still the love I gave and the love they needed could not be matched or met.
They flew freely once before their paths had crossed, and upon seeing each other thought that they could help each other gain what they had lost.
They tried to soar together and coo underneath the sun, but they only wound up falling to the earth alone as one.
Now I see them staring in my eyes, confused, circling the universe in pain. Thinking that they did it right, not knowing they’re the same.
Two broken doves were never mine, no remedy I can offer to mend. I send them off on an ominous cloud, broken hearted with broken wings.
January 22, 2012.
When does it go away for good? How deep do we have to reach to find true forgiveness and move on. When does the phone stop ringing out of nowhere, bringing it all back, pain rushing into your heart, memories puncturing your lungs. You want to hate so bad, but can’t, because even the smallest drop of love outweighs the biggest block of hate. You want to stop putting yourself in the fire because you deserve better, yet you hold on to that little bit of love, maybe so you can get through the rest of your life with a glimmer of hope that maybe it was worth it. You can’t explain yourself because you know it won’t help, you can’t love enough because no matter what you did you were told your love wasn’t right, or true, or unselfish, or simply good enough. You grasp for hope, but the familiar feeling of complete helplessness comes back, and you remember why you left. You can’t fix it, can’t make it go away, can’t erase the thoughts. You can only painfully accept. You don’t care about the money, the material, the feeling of being used and kicked to the curb. You don’t care that you are back to square one. You only wanted to be accepted, and more than ever just wanted your love to be embraced, because you know inside you gave it all, every ounce of heart and soul, and all you care about is that the person on the other end would see that, but they don’t, and most likely never will. They are in their own private hell, trapped without knowing, a prisoner of a distorted reality that isn’t their fault. You listen to songs that make you cry, because strangely you feel better doing that. You pray, meditate, put everything you can out to the universe, asking for them to find peace, sometimes expecting an apology, but knowing that it will never come, because they haven’t done anything wrong in their eyes. You go over it in your head, time and time again, asking, “what could I have done different”, and you realize that the answer is “nothing.” There is nothing you could have done different because the sad, painful, bitter reality is that it had nothing to do with you. You look up and say “please make it go away,” and it does for a little bit, but it lingers. You know you loved, truly loved, and with that comes the greatest risk you can take in life. You gave your entire being, and found yourself denied. You cry for the others involved, hoping, praying that they make it out okay. That they remember the love you shared. That they haven’t been poisoned with thoughts that aren’t true. And you’re sorry that you can only see them in your dreams, crying for each other to come back. There is beauty behind it all, you are sure of it, but it can’t be seen right now, and maybe thats okay. You continue to love yourself, continue to see the blessing in the sun, clouds, trees, birds, your dog, your guitar, your paint brush, your new old car, your family, a stranger, LIFE. And you deal with the pain because that is LIFE. I loved and love you. Somewhere deep inside is a light. Find it for yourself. Bless.
The connections are real. Systemically we have been divided, but spiritually we have not. Our conditioning has led us to believe we are separate. Theology, government, class warfare, inaccurate history, false education, all have played a part in convincing us that we are not spiritually connected, but our vibration rings true. We ALL have a universal pulse that connects us. The rest is a matter of our mind. We have walked across the entire state of New Jersey, and have observed human behaviour in it’s truest form. People moving from place to place, some smiling, some not, some interested, some dismissive of our cause. Yet through all of this, I see a light in the flow of all things. A light that most people don’t see in themselves. We need to sever the chains that keep us disassociated, cleanse our cells, rejuvenate our inner vibration. The powers that be will ALWAYS orchestrate the disconnect. They will ALWAYS formulate and attempt to carry out their agenda. Truth be told, their agenda can only be completed with the permission of the people, and WE the people should know better by now. WE the people are connected, truly, freely and simply as a living, breathing organism. Stay correct, mind, body, emotions and spirit. Wlaking through Pennsylvania with a rebellious attitude and balanced perspective. Love and LIGHT.
Timmy Mission, E Nicey and Sugar Ray.
Pain is the hardest. It lingers. It sits in dark caverns, carved out in the landscape of our mind. It lurks in the corner as it waits to be drawn out. It hears a song, sees a memory, smells a familiar scent, and then it attacks. Sometimes it is ferocious, other times subtle, but always quick and accurate. It always puts up a good fight, at times unrelenting. We fight back. We fight with tears, with hate, with anger, with denial, with wishful thinking. We hope and pray for something different, anything to make it go away. We ask questions like, “why me” “why now” “what if?” We create imaginary scenarios in our mind, of outcomes we wished we could have had. Then, as soon as we think we have gained acceptance, awareness, we might be struck with weakness again. The monster creeps out of the cave and plans its next move. Truly, why does pain hurt so badly? And why do we take so long to relieve it of it’s duty? It’s a mystery, a labyrinth of the mind and soul. It can’t be that pain is just a thing of the mind, can it? There is pain that hurts so deep that our spirits, in all their purity and perfection, even they seem to get broken and scarred. It seems the only relief comes with time. So how can we speed it up? Better yet, how can we abolish the concept of time? Letting go of every passing second, and saying goodbye to it forever. Understanding it is not reality anymore. It is just a thought, a memory. A painful, temporary memory. We are all on the same mountain, standing in front of the same dark cave. Keep climbing. Keep healing. Keep loving your light. Acceptance. Peace, Strength, Love and LIGHT.
There is something special to be said about the person who can keep a secret. There is something even more special about the person who has no fear when it comes to sharing them. In most cases, this person will place their trust in whoever they choose, willing to bare it all, for many reasons, personal and not. Really, what we are doing when we let things out, is contributing to the growth of another person’s spirit. By placing our trust in them, we are giving that person confidence, truth, and the ultimate sign of love. We are telling them that they are worthy of our soul. We are telling them that they are not alone and that they can identify with our thoughts, our truths. It is important that we understand that there is no secret big enough to destroy our light, no outcome or situation that hasn’t been figured out by the universal spirit already. It is a matter of the mind when we make things a “big deal.” Trust in the fact that there is nothing that hasn’t already been said, felt, thought, or heard by someone just like you. That someone IS you, so by trusting in them, you are in turn trusting in yourself. There is always someone there for you, waiting, listening, hoping you want to share with them. Hoping you say what they are feeling, knowing that you most likely will. Take the experience of feeling absolute trust, and put it out to someone else. Give it to the universe and say “Thank you!” Look up and say “I know you would never violate my trust in you, so I will share everything my beautiful soul has to offer.” We are ALL here, loving, living, ascending and trusting. Look deep into a persons soul, and decide if they are you. When you have an answer, TRUST that either way, the universe moves, the cosmos shift and the spirits dance. Trusting in you always, simply.
We don’t always see it, but it’s there. It’s in everything, surrounding us. Many times it manifests itself in a certain form, or certain energy, and if we tune in to it we can use it. When you find it, that truth, that love, that light, in the form of something, or better yet someone, you might say, “I didn’t even know I needed you.” You will probably feel the way it effects not only you, but the people you hold close. Those same people might then feel it too. I see it now, more and more everyday, in the eyes of complete strangers. I understand that at one time I didn’t even know I needed them, but I do. I need them because they are me. They have pain, fear, anxiety, love, warmth, depth, soul, spirit, truth and LIGHT. They have what I have, and I have what they have. When they reach out to help, even in the most subtle of ways, I feel hope. I feel strength begin to surface because, just as hate is present, love is as well. Just as death and ascension are truth, so are birth and new beginnings. We all have connections to each other, and if we open up, we will be fortunate enough to reap the rewards of starting those connections when the universe intends, and ending them just the same. While it might end in a physical sense, the impression left on the conscious spirit will live through eternity. It is simply complex, and completely wonderful. It is Love in it’s purest form. It is life and wonder. Thank you, for I didn’t even know I needed you, and I will love you, alone, alone, forever. Peace, Respect, Balance, Light.